Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
