Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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