these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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