I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
