I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
