why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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