we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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