that's an acceptable place to lick
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
