I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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