so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
