so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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