My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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