We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
