I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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