WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
