So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
