Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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