first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
