Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
