there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
