I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
