you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
