Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
