..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
