And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize