scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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