Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
