I think i sorta joined a cult last night
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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