Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
