Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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