Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
