I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
