I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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