a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
