Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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