I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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