I just saw a hot homeless man
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
