What a fucking waste of an outfit
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
