he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
