I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I want her autograph on my taint
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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