Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
