My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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