Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
