Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
