i always forget guys have bellybuttons
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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