My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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