We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
