Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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