I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
