Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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