blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
