and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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