I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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