There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize