why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
