i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
