I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize