i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize