You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
