That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
