the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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