I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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