remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
