I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
