this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize