dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize